What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
10.06.2025 10:03
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
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As i do to all so called friends.?
I have no regrets .
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
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When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
I was very sick at this time too.
We were not on the streets..
In what ways does Islam oppress women?
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Why cant I stop thinking about counsellor between sessions?
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
One cannot live in the past .
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On the 31st of Jan this month .
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Why does my sister want to have sex with me? What should I do?
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
My family never makes their pension either.
In my experience, British people are fat, ugly and arrogant. Why is it and can it be changed?
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
How can I get a girlfriend? I am 26.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Put me off passion for life!!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
What did i know ?
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Comes on , in middle age.
I was 9 years of age.
(And it was in our own minds.)
Where the ultimate outsiders.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
She married twice! .
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
When she asked me how she looked .
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
We all went to grammer schools
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
He resisted the act ,that day.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Especially a lifetime of it.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Ive learnt so much.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I never cut or harmed myself..
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
This is soul school!.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
I don,t even have a pension.
She wouldn,t have been !
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
I said to her
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Why did i forgive my father ?
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
But ive been too sick for many years..
And i lived it daily.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
I think the readers, may guess!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I write beautiful poetry .
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
So whats the point in blame.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Would this be the day?
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
She found it foreign!.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I had hoped to write a book about this .
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Who then, do I blame.?
She was in good health!
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
It was going to be , some day.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
She loved him until the end.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I was scared of men, in general
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I waited trembling.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Im still living with it.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
I could never make a relationship work though!
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
He knew the spot.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
I couldn’t, believe it.
My life is so biszare .
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
But, we were locked up after school.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
All the time i was locked up.
I will be 64.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
So, i spoilt her more .
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
I was seconnd youngest,
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
But it wasn’t much.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Was to survive, this bastard.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..